Book Review: Fixation: How to Have Stuff Without Breaking the Planet by Sandra Goldmark

September 13, 2021 Stephanie3 Comments

I’m a big fan of frugality, and also a big fan of taking care of the environment, whether that means consuming less, consuming better and/or smarter, or taking care of what you already have. So it’s no surprise that Fixation: How to Have Stuff Without Breaking the Planet by Sandra Goldmark (Island Press, 2020) ended up on my TBR. Even when you’re fully committed to something, it helps to have a reminder every so often of why you became committed to that ideal in the first place, and this book certainly served as the kick in the pants that I needed.

Sandra Goldmark has a background in theater, and in the design and creation of many theater sets and costumes, she’s learned many skills in the repair of various items that have brought her shows to life with minimal budgets and objects that have been used, reused, and reimagined in many ways. Those skills helped fuel the repair pop-ups she and her husband and a work crew ran around New York City, taking in broken items (everything from toys to furniture to appliances and clothing, and likely far more) and doing their best to repair them. And along the way, Ms. Goldmark learned a few things.

A lot of what we own is poorly made, with plastic parts that break easily and aren’t easily repairable. Spare parts for quick repairs are often entirely unavailable, and thus whole items, for want of a tiny, tiny part, become complete trash. Often, items are legally unrepairable by the consumer; even when they are able to be fixed, it’s often cheaper (but not a better use of our resources) to throw the whole item out and buy a new one. How many broken items do you have sitting around your house, waiting for the day when you finally decide to try to fix them? Our throwaway culture is a massive problem, affecting the climate and the environment in ways we’re only beginning to pay for, and while darning our sweaters and replacing our worn bike gears isn’t going to solve the problem that is climate change, when we pay attention to even the little problems, the big problems begin to fall in line, or at least make more sense. Repairing our broken items, taking better care of what we own, buying used (and better!) when we can, and ensuring that the items we no longer need get into the hands of people who do need them are all things we can do that make a difference when done on a large scale.

This is a quick read, but it’s also a swift kick in the pants if you’re looking for some motivation. My repair skills are limited, but I’m continually learning and I use the skills I do have when necessary. That said, things back up and I put them off, but this week, I stitched holes in a pillow, a blanket, a pair of pants, and a shirt, and I crocheted a rip in a seam of a store-bought blanket, all because of this book. Ms. Goldmark is right that we need to take better care of the things we own, that creating new things is great, but that there’s a limit to what we need, and that repairing the things we own needs to be a bigger focus than creation.

She has a lot of great ideas of what companies can do in order to become leaders in this movement- what would it be like if Ikea dispatched on-the-go furniture repair people to come fix your table or bookcase, or if they had places in their stores where you could bring in your lamp or duvet cover for a quick fix? Some companies such as Patagonia or REI are already working to close the loop, as she puts it; more need to follow in their footsteps, but we can help by supporting the companies who are already participating in these more sustainable business practices.

I liked this a lot. It got me thinking about the things I can do to better care for what I own, and the skills I need to learn to better repair. My husband is pretty awesome at this and has learned to fix a LOT of broken items around our house (he repaired a backpack strap this week- the plastic part had broken and he mended that, saving the entire backpack. I was impressed); I’m more in charge of things like basic sewing repairs, but I definitely have room for improvement- I’m wanting to learn how to darn socks, because that’s such a useful skill. That’s on my agenda soon, and I’m looking forward to it.

Follow Sandra Goldmark on Twitter.

memoir

Book Review: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb

September 10, 2021 Stephanie2 Comments

I’m not one to go out and read bestsellers and books that are super popular just because everyone else does. It’s usually pretty rare for me to run out and get something that was just published; I’m much more of a ‘comfortably wading through the backlist’ kind of a reader (a lot of this comes from reading off my TBR, but I’ve never been one to check the bestseller lists for new reading choices. End-of-the-year lists, however, are a massive weakness!). But sometimes I read things for a certain purpose, and occasionally those reads have a deadline to them- book clubs, for one, and author talks, like this one. Our local parent education group announced this past summer that Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed (Mariner Books, 2019), would be appearing virtually with their program this year, and I was like “Nice! Guess this means I’ll have to read that book of hers that I’ve been seeing all over the place.” It always looked interesting, but again, my TBR beckoned. Her visit later this month, however, has forced my hand, and I picked up a copy from a library display of staff picks two weeks ago.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Lori’s boyfriend up and dumps her, stating that he doesn’t want to live with a kid for the next ten years (a major problem, since Lori’s son is only eight). This causes somewhat of an existential crisis for Lori, and as a therapist herself, she needs to get things figured out and get back on her feet, in an emotional sense. In between her own sessions with clients struggling with various things in their lives, from facing their own death, to the death of a child, and how to rebuild a life in the twilight years, Lori sits on Wendell’s couch and tries to make sense of what went wrong with her boyfriend.

As a therapist, Lori seems deeply insightful and is able to pinpoint just the right question to ask to make her clients think. As a client, she even recognizes her own problem patterns but can’t seem to step outside of them without Wendell’s help. She recounts her own journeys through life while describing those of her clients (no HIPAA violations here, though!), picking apart the intricacies of human behavior with wisdom, understanding, and deep sympathy. Every story in the book wraps up with a decently neat little bow- obviously not how therapy always works, both for the client and the therapist- but it makes for some satisfying reading and provides a deeper look into what great therapy can be and should entail.

This is really a lovely read with an awful lot of insight. Lori reminds us that suffering isn’t a competition; just because someone else has a problem that seems bigger doesn’t mean that yours is nothing or insignificant, and that’s something I think we all need a reminder of (especially thanks to the barrage of those gross social media memes that portray someone suffering from a terrible illness or a major loss, and then it says something like, “Your problems don’t seem so bad now, do they?” STOP THAT. Stop trying to make everyone compete in the Suffering Olympics). Her ability to connect with her clients is remarkable, especially with the client she refers to as John, an arrogant, self-centered narcissist who uses barbs and sarcasm to deflect from the grief and pain he’s been carrying around for years. It would be easy to write him off completely and immediately, but Lori keeps trying until she’s able to find the way to getting John to open up. I don’t know that I would have the patience.

This is a moving story, full of other moving stories. Heads up for a lot of references to death, including death of a child and its entailing grief, and death from terminal illness, and learning to let go. Thinking about all the painful stories therapists listen to makes me wonder how any of them do such an intense job, and how busy they’re all going to be listening to healthcare providers process the trauma they’ve endured throughout this pandemic. The academic community is going to be researching, writing, and developing new methods of trauma treatment for decades to come after this.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is both intense and gentle at the same time; it’s a memoir that reads like a novel, but you’ll also learn a lot about what it takes to become a therapist, and a few important lessons about human nature as well.

I’ve been through a few therapists myself in the past; the best one I ever had was also named Lori, and I still hear her voice in my head quite often, despite leaving her office for the last time in 2004. I looked her up after finishing this book, wondering what she was up to, only to find that she passed away in 2017 after a bout with leukemia. May her memory be for a blessing.

Visit Lori Gottlieb’s website here.

Follow her on Twitter here.

Monthly roundup

Monthly Roundup: August 2021

September 1, 2021 Stephanie2 Comments

AUGUST, AMIRITE???

This has been a MONTH. Not a horrible one, just busier than I’ve been used to for a long time. Back to school and all its surrounding chaos (AND STRESS) has been kicking my butt, and with the little bit of extra free time, I’ve been using all that to work on house projects that you can’t necessarily get done when your kiddo is home all year doing remote learning. So there hasn’t been much free time to blog or even to read; reading is done in little snatches here and there, but that’s okay. Sometimes life is like that, right?

I’m working hard at getting all my projects completed so that I can have more time to read and update my posts, but in the meantime, bear with me! I’m doing my best. 😊

So let’s get this monthly roundup started, shall we?

Books I Read in August 2021

1. Majesty (American Royals #2) by Katharine McGee

2. The Second: Race and Guns in a Fatally Unequal America by Carol Anderson

3. The Family Next Door: The Heartbreaking Imprisonment of the Thirteen Turpin Siblings and Their Extraordinary Rescue by John Glatt

4. Flunk. Start.: Reclaiming My Decade Lost in Scientology by Sands Hall

5. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (no review; read out loud to my daughter)

6. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg (no review; read out loud to my daughter)

7. Inconspicuous Consumption: The Environmental Impact You Don’t Know You Have by Tatiana Schlossberg

8. This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation by Alan Lew (the unreviewed books I read for myself were discussed in this catch-up post)

9. Emily’s Runaway Imagination by Beverly Cleary (no review; read out loud to my daughter)

And that’s it! Like I said, not a fantastic month for reading (but other things got done, so I’m pleased). It’s been so long that I’ve had the house to myself that I’m almost not sure how to handle it when I’m home alone, but I’ve been settling down to work almost every school day and organizing everything. Soon, I’ll be able to curl up in a nice, clean, organized house and read the day away. Hopefully.

Little Women wasn’t as fun of a read this time around as it was the last time I read it, when I was 15. I really loathed Professor Bhaer (just let Jo write whatever she wanted to write and back off!), though I did appreciate that Amy and Laurie were fairly well-matched. From the Mixed-Up Files was just as fun this time around as it’s ever been, and my daughter really loved it as well.

Six of these came from my TBR!

Reading Challenge Updates

Not currently participating in any reading challenges.

State of the Goodreads TBR

SO. 164 books last month, and with this month not being great at doing many bookish things, I’m still right there at 164. Which is actually okay! I’m glad it didn’t explode in this month of so little reading!

Books I Acquired in August 2021

You know, I don’t think I got any new books this month. Which is fine, because I really, really need to read some books from my own shelves!

Bookish Things I Did in August 2021

I actually did something seriously bookish things month! I mentioned last month that I had a meeting with the new rabbi at my synagogue, and that I was really excited about that. I met her, she’s lovely, we had a great chat, and she mentioned that the synagogue library was being reorganized and the books needed to be reshelved. Long story made short, I found myself masked up and helping to reshelve box after box of wonderful Jewish books in the synagogue library last week! It was hot, sweaty, dusty work (and I was thankful for a good day with my back!), but we tackled it all and got everything back on the shelves! It’s nice feeling useful like that, and I appreciated the chance to socialize with the two women working with me (especially since I’ve barely been out of the house for the last year and a half!!!!) and check out the synagogue’s books. 😊

Current Podcast Love

At night, I’m just listening to BBC World Service Radio, but during the day, as I organize and clean, I’m listening to Leaving Eden Podcast, about leaving and deconstruction from the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. Fascinating stuff; Sadie is so open about everything she’s been through and the hard work and self-examination it’s taken to move past the indoctrination she received about who she is/should be and what the world is about, and Gavriel is surprisingly insightful for as young as he is (which isn’t THAT young, but I definitely wasn’t that insightful when I was his age). It’s a really interesting podcast.

Stephanie’s Read Harder Challenge

This will start back up again soon! When my house projects are done, I’m planning on picking up something to read during the schoolday, something I need quiet time with no interruptions so I can focus. Looking forward to doing this again!

Real Life Stuff

What a month!

The beginning of August was, I’m not going to lie, really, really stressful. My daughter, who is seven and in the second grade, was at home, learning remotely, all last year. This year, there IS no remote learning, so it was either send her back to school in person, or homeschool her, and she is NOT a good candidate for homeschooling- though I would have done it if I felt it was my only option. Her district mandated wearing masks really before it became any kind of a drama (I wouldn’t have even hesitated a second to pull her out if they hadn’t), but not all districts around us did. Thankfully, the governor stepped in and basically WTF’ed the ones who didn’t and mandated it- I’m so grateful. That still left the school’s lunch policy, however, and I was an absolute wreck thinking of my kiddo being unmasked in a cafeteria with other kids, with the Delta variant having such a higher viral load and being so much more contagious. Like, we’re talking serious, serious wreck. I was ready to pull her out just over that.

I ended up emailing her principal, who outlined the school’s lunch policy for me, and who also let me know that parents are allowed to check their students out every day for lunch. I cried. I wept with complete and utter relief. So every day, I heat up lunch and truck over to the school, where I sign my happy-to-see-me kiddo out, and we have a picnic by the pond behind the school. It’s a nice break in both of our days. She eats quickly enough that she’s able to head back for the post-lunch recess, which also makes her really happy, since she’s finally able to hang out with her friends for the first time since kindergarten, and I feel better knowing she’s getting less exposure. Win-win all around, and so far the school year is off to a good start. My county has the highest vaccination rate in the state, so things aren’t as scary as they could be. I feel for those of you who have children in schools that aren’t masking, where the community isn’t highly vaccinated and whose members aren’t taking this seriously. I’ve been watching the consequences of this in my old county in Tennessee, where a teacher died of Covid this past week, and it’s infuriating.

And now that my daughter is at school all day, I’ve been systematically tearing the house apart. I’ve almost got the kitchen done (still need to clean the fridge), and I have a few things left to do in the living room, but that’s not bad at all since I was able to do a few of the bigger projects over the summer. Next up is my closet, which hasn’t been organized since before the pandemic, and the bathroom, which basically just needs a good hose-down. And then my poor laundry room. That’ll be a project, but I’m looking forward to it. It’s all slow-going, since I have to get dinner pulled together in there, as well as my lunch trip to the school and any errands that have to happen during the day (groceries, runs across town to pick up school forms from the doctor, etc), but I’m definitely making good progress, and I’m happy about it!

What’s next in September? Another year of virtual High Holidays, which…isn’t ideal, but we do what we have to, and I’ll be tuning in to my synagogue’s services from home. I’ll also be attending virtual presentations by authors Wes Moore and Lori Gottlieb, both of which I’m very much looking forward to (and both offered by the local parent education group, for which I’m very grateful!). It looks like another busy month, so who knows who much reading I’ll get done, but we’ll see. It’s all good work.

Hang in there, friends. It’s rough out there again and who knows when it’ll get better again. So much death and suffering. Do your part to safely ride this terrible wave out; my heart breaks for our healthcare workers who see so many terrible things each day, things that could have likely been prevented. Our society is going to be suffering from the ramifications of all of this for years…

Wishing you all a peaceful, healthy September. Be well, my friends.